“They are our bread”

The day after I shared my testimony in Kehl about going back to the training in faith, I received an email from Dr CR saying I was approved to return to the program. That was 3 full weeks after my email to Dr AS.

Yesterday, I compared this year’s track roster with last year’s and found that, if the program last year was at-capacity with 188, it’s at 192 this year.

Taking a step back, I thought about this very little throughout 3rd term. I told the Lord, “Why should I worry when there’s nothing I can do? It’s in Your hands. If there’s a seat for me come January, I praise You; if not, You know how much grace will be sufficient for me and my family.”

But I’m by no means immune to anxiety, and it started creeping up more and more toward the end of the term. When I got home for the interim, the big question was when and how to write this email.

After I sent the first email to Dr R on January 2nd, it was hard not to check my email every minute. She took her time getting back to me — a whole week. She would add me to the class listserv to participate in the lottery, and I was to write to Dr S and Dr M regarding registration. I was rather nervous about the latter, but the former held some promise.

A week later, no response. Just as I debated whether to follow up, I got a listserv email regarding extending the track selection deadline. …Wait, track selection had been open this whole time? After looking through last year’s emails, I finally realised that it was to One45 that I had to go, not SSC nor Entrada. Ta-da — there it was, and I had nearly missed it.

Interestingly, Dr R had originally told me to contact her in March — long after the lottery deadline of January 22nd.

In the conundrum of whether to follow up, I had many arguments for and against… But in the end, the Lord’s word was “wait”. So I did. The day before leaving for Europe, I emailed Dr R saying I would follow up with Dr S and Dr M in February.

Upon arrival in Europe, I awaited the lottery results with some trepidation, checking One45 nonstop after getting to the Ilford hotel. A word from my recent reading convicted me:

To spy out a situation…weakens our faith. We should simply believe in God without knowing anything.

Message 20, Life-Study of Numbers

Indeed, every time I checked my email and One45, my faith weakened. Eventually I just had to tell the Lord, “I’m sorry for spying out the land in this way. I just stop.”

The next morning, I spent some very sweet time with the Lord at the memorial park by the hotel. When I checked my email and One45 afterward, the lottery results were waiting for me. Indeed, I had been assigned my first choice.

It was another 5 days before Dr R’s email came, but I was way too busy with the gospel trip to even think about this…


That was a rather long-winded way of saying that God is faithful. It was a term in faith, and it did propel me to depend on the Lord as never before — in a quieter and more restful way than ever before. The challenges that were giants in my eyes became my bread.

These outline points from Message 11 of the Crystallization-Study of Numbers were my experience:

Joshua & Caleb took the word of God as their faith.

II. E

Joshua & Caleb honored God, and God, in turn, honored them.

II. E. 2

Joshua & Caleb were not the ones who overcame in Numbers 13 & 14; it was the One in whom they trusted. God did everything; they simply enjoyed what God did.

II. E. 4. a-b

Caleb’s experience demonstrates that the more Nephilim we eat, the stronger we will become

III. D. 2

And there certainly are more Nephilim to be eaten. I’m more burdened than ever for Europe and especially the French-speaking world, but when and how will I ever be able to move there? And more urgently, I’m soon to go from the training environment to the frenzy of rotations; how will I ever maintain my enjoyment of the Lord?

Caleb fully followed the Lord because he knew that God wanted the children of Israel to enter into the good land. Since God wanted them to enter the good land, He would fight for them and accomplish everything for them.

III. C. 1-2

Hallelujah, I know what God wants, and I know that He will do what He wants!

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