It’s the hymn that stuck after I heard a sister play it on piano in 4th term — 446:
What shall I give Thee, Master?(Tune here)
Thou hast giv’n all for me;
Not just a part or half of my heart,
I will give all to Thee.
Brother’s TG’s fellowship in Fireside Chat #2 from European Uni Students reminded me of the true meaning of consecration: to give the Lord permission to do whatever He wants in me. I’ve consecrated in this way many times before, but now I feel some reservation. Am I really willing for Him to touch anything in my life?
He touched 2 today: my entire WhatsApp chat history got wiped, and I thought I lost what I had gotten used to having over the past 3 weeks. The latter was quickly recovered when I turned on data and finally received the MMS that had been sitting there all day, but it served to show how quickly I become reliant on things. And the former — I feel the loss. Memories that I previously didn’t want to dig up, now have no way to be retrieved. I can’t even remember what happened on August 1, 2017, let alone the events that led up to the “grand finale” in May 2018 (or was it March)? I’ve subconsciously blocked out so much of it that I doubt I’ll ever be able to recall them… Oh, to think that I used to save every line of our Skype conversations!
Lord, I surely do need a renewed consecration in these days. I’ve been “stuck” ever since rotations got cancelled on March 19th — first it was restlessness, then the flesh reared up, then constant emotional ups and downs, then self-pity, and now not being able to lose the soul-life… I sense that You’re wanting to go deeper, into the 3rd stage, but do I really need to be struggling so much?
The verses brother DW shared via video in the SCYP Spring Pursuit are gems:
Trust in Jehovah… Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself in Jehovah / And He will give you the requests of your heart.
Commit your way to Jehovah / And trust in Him; and He will act.
Be still before Jehovah, and wait for Him… (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)
Lord, make me happy in Jesus! Is this not Your heart toward me? I’m not still before You right now, and I don’t know how to be, but I come to You just as I am. You kept committing all to Him who judges righteously (1 Peter 2:23) — I’m one spirit with You, aren’t I? Like in brother DW’s story of the slave girl, You paid the highest price for me — so that I could be free! So make these lines real to me:
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray,(Hymn 296)
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.